Loss in recovery

This isn't one of my typical cheery posts.  Just got news of another loss in the recovery world around me.  The sheer number of people relapsing right now during this time is overwhelming.  

In my work as a drug and alcohol counselor, as well as my recovery yoga work, I am on the front lines of the epidemic of addiction daily.  I am also a woman in recovery, so I sit in the meetings that have saved my soul. my life and my family. 

In each place, I experience the loss of people to addiction.  To not being able to see their value and choosing the path more familiar.  

I hear so often, " well , that is the career field you picked" or " some of us have to die so others can live".  True to both statements.   This is my career field and most days, I would not change a thing.  I would like to start a business that helps people in early recovery with job skills, but other than that, wouldn't change a thing.

I love the rooms I get to sit in, because for every one who we lose, ten more find their lives again.I get to see people learn to laugh and believe in themselves with the love of the rooms to support them.  

In the yoga I teach, being recovery focused, many people have questioned their own substance use and have created a new life for themselves.  All I did was bring a mat and my whole heart. 

Yet, in the past year, not including all of the world stuff going on, I have lost good people to this disease. The epidemic is still with us.  My heart feels that it can't take another loss some days.  I want to SCREAM at the unfairness of beautiful, talented people , lost forever to the disease of addiction.  I want to RAGE at the dying of the light.

And when I regain my breath in a few days, I see the eyes of another lost soul who is looking deep into my eyes to see if I can see their beauty. 

I dry my tears, open my heart again and say " I see you, you have a life worth saving.  I will stand with you until you believe it yourself". And begin again.