This isn't one of my typical cheery posts. Just got news of another loss in the recovery world around me. The sheer number of people relapsing right now during this time is overwhelming.
In my work as a drug and alcohol counselor, as well as my recovery yoga work, I am on the front lines of the epidemic of addiction daily. I am also a woman in recovery, so I sit in the meetings that have saved my soul. my life and my family.
In each place, I experience the loss of people to addiction. To not being able to see their value and choosing the path more familiar.
I hear so often, " well , that is the career field you picked" or " some of us have to die so others can live". True to both statements. This is my career field and most days, I would not change a thing. I would like to start a business that helps people in early recovery with job skills, but other than that, wouldn't change a thing.
I love the rooms I get to sit in, because for every one who we lose, ten more find their lives again.I get to see people learn to laugh and believe in themselves with the love of the rooms to support them.
In the yoga I teach, being recovery focused, many people have questioned their own substance use and have created a new life for themselves. All I did was bring a mat and my whole heart.
Yet, in the past year, not including all of the world stuff going on, I have lost good people to this disease. The epidemic is still with us. My heart feels that it can't take another loss some days. I want to SCREAM at the unfairness of beautiful, talented people , lost forever to the disease of addiction. I want to RAGE at the dying of the light.
And when I regain my breath in a few days, I see the eyes of another lost soul who is looking deep into my eyes to see if I can see their beauty.
I dry my tears, open my heart again and say " I see you, you have a life worth saving. I will stand with you until you believe it yourself". And begin again.
I have said nothing online because I don't want to offend those who are hurting the most. I guess my shame and guilt over my own white privilege has silenced me.
In my silence, I have been listening, teachable. I finally understand as much as I can ( and am open to understanding more) about what Black Lives Matter means, why the anger, the pain, the explosion into the streets. I am listening, deeply hearing with my soul.
How did I not really understand?
I feel more than white guilt, which isn't enough. I am sorry and forever changed. I can no longer stand by and do nothing. I am with you, I finally understand. Forgive me for not "getting it" before, I "get it" now.
I will listen. I will vote, I will move.
Sandra Kozlowski is the author of Building Blocks of Recovery available on this site or on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, Indie Bound Books, Ebay, Half Priced Books, Books A Million. and Orca Books. She is also a singing bowl musician with her CD , Singing for the Soul ( also available here or on Amazon.)
Certified Recovery Coach, Certified Recovery Yoga Teacher
SUDP, CAAR, AAS, RHY 200
Curvy Yoga Certified, Y12SR Certified, Yoga for All Certified
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