I found new ways of self care that , if before the breakdown I would have never found. First, I have developed a HUGE sensitivity to coffee. It makes me quite ill now if I have more than one to two cups a day. My body is still detoxing, yet I am craving gentler foods now, my tea is now slowly steeped and I love it more. I can actually breath deep before I sip! ( who knew!!)
My heart gained a new level of hope I needed. I am working hard to find a way to afford a home and circumstances keep presenting themselves for me to sell more soap( thehousethatsoapbuilt.com) and share about my book, Building Blocks of Recovery. ( PS people love my book and I just found out it is being used in a treatment center!) I have shared my products and dreams with people and they understood my dream! I needed that support, that my dream makes sense and could be sustainable. The validation has been wonderful. ( I am still needing a supporter in this real estate market, but my dream feels so much closer!)
Spiritually, well, some of the parts I won't put here but some have been incredible! In my work, people have asked me if I am an empath.....no, I think I am just listening at a different level. I am also crystallizing my beliefs in yoga and in prayer. It has been beautiful!
My work is becoming clearer. I was a workshop leader at a conference as well as a Keynote speaker. It was my first time but I have to tell you, I think that I did ok. I love teaching upcoming counselors how to manage their stress and care for clients. Also I have been doing some volunteer work for an organization that I have come to appreciate, they help formerly incarcerated individuals to get a second chance through education and housing. I would have never had the courage to reach out until I leaned deeply into my mat to find the answers.
Yes, I will be doing this again. It was amazing. I hope you will join me in the best way you can. My hope is that you will gain the joy I and two of the others have found in this practice.
This has been so encouraging to invite people to their own greatness and watch as they shine. I am only one woman, impacting a few others....but what if we all did that? Created change and showed people their beauty? Where would our world be then?
Yoga to me is a prayer for peace.......peace for all.
I was initially planning on " taking this challenge on the road", setting up my yoga mat and recording all over the area. Then the sacred hit me. There is a spot in my home that I have never done yoga in before and it has turned out to be my sacred spot. I have created sacred rituals in that space and time that I am not sure I will share with the world. The rituals and movement, the prayers and breath are meant to heal me. In my healing, I can share that with the world. Who knew that absolute sacred would show up? I didn't. I was just so sad and scared that I needed to do something over the top to answer all that was going on. This is it for me....and for a few others.
I am here for you, to pray for you, to dedicate sun salutations to you. If you need me at any time, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. You matter to me and I will be here for you, as we both reach for our true selves within the realm of connection. Namaste.
This is a copy of the 108 that I am doing.
This will be a super short post.....tonight's sun salutations was very difficult. It was hard to focus in I think due to my headache. My heart is tired, my head hurts, I didn't eat most of the day. I came home to a hot house and a difficult interaction.
Every reason to not do the sun salutations.
In my past I would have just gone to bed. This challenge to me is sacred because I am reaching deep within to heal something I can't define.
So off to my bedroom I went, and onto my mat. Through all of the salutations I gave myself permission to stop at any time. But momentum pulled me forward. I changed to count, 30 then record, 30 then record, ( now I am almost finished!!) 30 then record, ( can't stop now!!) 18 and DONE!
Sweat poured down my face, my heart beats faster, my breath deeper. While my head still hurts , I am truly tired now.....time for bed. ( and I have found that when I do my sun salutations before bed, I have no insomnia.)
So tonight no big links to my social media, no pictures, just gentle and time for bed.
May you reach for peace and allow peace to enter into all of your world with joy and hope. I love you.
This is truly a life changing experience. actually more like life clearing out. I am allowing the experience without judging the changes. Does that make sense to you? Stopping to judge the changes that are happening would stop the flow....the yoga that I am asking to change me.
I am finding that during my sessions of 108 sun salutations I am exploring the NiYamas of :
Tapas- self discipline. It has been challenging to keep my word to you and me to stay in this challenge for 30 days. Yet self discipline is something that I have been reaching for since I began in my journey in recovery. As an addict, I was highly undisciplined in every way. This journey is reaching within me spiritually and emotionally to gain a level of the discipline I have come to enjoy in many parts of my recovery.
Svadhyaya-self-study, inner exploration. Reaching deeper into who I am and how I make the decisions through my motivations. The amount of salutations help me to move my ego to the side and find the lesson and prayers on the other side of ego.
Ishvara Pranidhana- surrender. At salutation 50, I find that my want to give up begins and I work to surrender to the process and the flow of my yoga. Just as I am asking to move through the life with flow in this challenge, I am hoping to learn to surrender to the needs of my heart and body.
Today a wonderful friend gave me the teaching.
This year has been a major year of change for me. I have had pretty extreme loss of people I love and lean on, changing in how I identify with my no longer having a child in school ( not quite an empty nester yet, they are working their way out), reaching for my dreams of a house and farm by creating soap and selling it. A year of vulnerability willingly given and a year of it being forced on me. A year of shifting sands. My friend told me that there wasn't a problem with my program of recovery ( as I have been told by others in the rooms) but me learning to ingrate my new normal, having a human experience. I am learning how my new normal doesn't have to be all sad and that the sad is meant to be integrated.
As I have said many, many times, I need both yoga and my program of recovery to keep me moving on a healthy path, a healthy manner of living to which I will continue to be proud.
Working with the steps, the yamas, niyamas and yoga are the holding and being held that I need. This sun salutation challenge is growing me through this scary stage back into the grace that I want to define my life, the miracles that I need and have come to be able to see in the faces of my students and clients.
Now, let's talk about one more piece, the piece that is about you. I have a few people who are doing some variation of the sun salutations at the 108 number. Fantastic and to you I say please stay safe and listen to your body, no hurting you! Remember yoga is about listening to your body, mind and spirit.
To my other dear ones who have been worried about starting the challenge, or have expressed feeling " not enough". I love you. Remember our rule, do what you can, not what you can't. If you do one pose per day, then you are part of the challenge. One of my students asked if she did her back stretches every day, would that be a part of the challenge.....YES!!!!!
Please, please look back at the niyamas that I listed above. Can you create a 30 day practice that can help you to learn more in you about surrender? Self Study? Self Discipline? Then you are as perfect as I see you.
Please remember our yoga at My RealBodyoga is about community , love and acceptance. You are always my heart and enough, just as you are!
If ever I can be of help, help you design a yoga series that works for your special needs or to pray for and with you, please let me know. You deserve to be loved and seen! Contact me here.
Yoga and my program of recovery have taught me to reach for honesty at all costs. I don't know that I always reach it every day, but I try. Yoga taught me the best way was to learn honesty in my body. I challenge both messages, my "I can" and my " I can't".
With my 108 sun salutations, I could talk my self out of doing the work. Yet I am in awe of the benefits, part of it is because I can literally manage the flow of the movement myself. The other is that I can stop and take care of me as I need to. If I need to stop and massage my feet, I do that. If I need a sip of water , I do that to. This challenge isn't about bragging about how much I can damage my body. This challenge for me is about how I can challenge my mind, soul and reach higher for my dreams.
I am loving what is happening. At night, I am falling asleep and resting all night long. My body feels warm, like my muscles are working. The sweat that runs down my face makes me feel strong. The Savasana is truly heightened into the relaxation that my anxiety filled days need.
This challenge is changing me, into more prayer, more compassion, more confidence and finally some sleep. I can't wait for Day 7! ( Want to join the challenge, click here! There is nothing to buy, no emails to gather, I just want to spread and share hope with the world and recharge my own dreams!)